That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
