Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
