only you would photoshop your dick
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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