3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
