In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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