I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
