its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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