Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
