I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
