i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
