We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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