planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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