My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
