I'm going to jail i love you
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The air taste purple.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
