I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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