just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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