at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
