So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
When are your genitals available?
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