I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
