Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
