Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
