he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
