She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
