I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
