yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
