im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
