last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
