Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
