If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
