my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
40s are totally the cure
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
