So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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