It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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