I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
