you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
