I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
