Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
