let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
