there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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