Ambien. No doubt about it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
