this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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