I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
