you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
