Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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