Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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