The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
