i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
