I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
