The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
