saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
