matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
look no pants
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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