If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
