People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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